i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
