oh god the rape fog is back!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
