it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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