Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
