I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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