I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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