Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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