I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
