So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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