I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
