matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he thought i was a dude.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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