i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
