Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
