Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
