It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
