So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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