Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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