shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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