just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
