just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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