that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Let's get the cat blown out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
