I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
