I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
