He is an equal opportunity slut.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
