i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
