I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
