He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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