You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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