my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
