Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
