The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
