why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
