dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
