I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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