Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My cat gives me a boner
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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