Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
