did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
