I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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