I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
