your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
