Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My balls are so social today.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
