All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
