can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
