some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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