WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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