I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
