you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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