too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
