Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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