Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
